“There’s not the smallest orb which thou behold’st But in his motion like an angel sings.”
Today is the sixth anniversary of Maureen’s death. I remember the day she died as if it was yesterday.
I was shopping at the local Whole Foods while my siblings desperately tried to reach me on my cell phone. For whatever reason, my ringer was off, so I didn’t realize how many times they had called. As I was getting ready to check out, I looked at my phone and saw the multiple voicemails left behind. The first call was from Regina, her voice indiscernible due to what sounded like hysteria. The next several messages came from Michael telling me to call him ASAP, which I did with the obedience of a baby sister.
“Maureen is dead.” These words were so unimaginable, my emotions didn’t know how to react. Despair poured over me, sobs of disbelief flooding the store. And then came panic – Mom! Dad! I needed to get to them immediately. Wishing I could vaporize and transport myself to their living room, I rushed home to tell my husband what was going on, packed a bag and drove numbly to my parents house as fast as I could. Once there, I collapsed on my mother and we cried together. My dismal father sat on the couch with a look of shock, crying intermittently – dementia had taken over and had left him confused about the details.
Michael arrived the next day with his wife. I returned home to be with my husband and daughter and update them on what had happened. Then came the drive north, the blizzard and the funeral.
Although the snow seems to be the transport of her soul, I think Maureen comes to us through her totem spirit – the orb. One of my last conversations with her in 2010 was about orbs and what we thought they meant or what we believed they were.
“Yet another theory proposes that orbs depict our spirit guides. Many ancient traditions teach that spirit guides are beings that have evolved beyond the need to incarnate. Our higher self chooses our guide to help us through life. Spirit guides provide comfort, advice and direction to individuals, all in keeping with an individual’s higher purpose.” – Jeanne Grunert – Spirit Orbs
She was living in a cabin on the grounds of a year-round camp that offered camping, fishing, hiking, swimming, a ropes course, paintball, barbecues and inflatable bouncy houses. It was very popular for religious Jews in the surrounding area, who would come and use the space for family and group gatherings. On one such occasion, a group of Jews built a sukkah during Sukkot and camped out during the observant days. While they were dancing in the sukkah at night, Maureen snapped several photos of the event. Later, after developing the film, she showed me the pictures taken that night. The photographs were dark, but you could make out the men dancing. However, the most interesting feature of these photos were the multitude of orbs floating around the dancing men. We speculated that they were the spirits of ancestors protecting them while enjoying the festivities.
I have felt Maureen’s presence every day since her death. I think she misses being with her family as much as we miss her. This one’s going to take some time…
“Christmas eve will find you
Where the love light gleams
I’ll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams”
I’ll Be Home For Christmas – Bing Crosby
“I had run for 3 years, 2 months, 14 days, and 16 hours.” – Forrest Gump